The Hot Spots of the Spectral Realm Tour
by Corpse-Prodder
Summary: The final chapter. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1: The Spectral Realm Cafe

**centerThe Hot Spots of the Spectral Realm **

**By, Evelin The Winged/center**

**And yes, I shall be looking forward to tortureing Hash'ak'gik' as usual. =-D \_/**

**centerChapter 1**

**The Spectral Ream Café, the Place for **

**Not-So-Average Low-Lives/center**

**The Author walk's into the Spectral Realm Café, as she is one of the S. Realm's low-life citizens.**

**Raziel: Where were you?**

**Evelin: I almost got a ticket from a police Sluah. Damned things always make me late. The only time's that I don't get caught is if I actually AM the one to blame.**

**S. Raz****'s lingering human soul: *Rumbling sounds are heard***

**Janos: We never get a straight answer out of 'him'. He's just like Kenny from ****South****Park****.**

**Evelin: I bear witness to that.**

**Raziel: Me too.**

**Bash'ok'mol':Me three.**

**Evelin: Dammit, why do demons always have to interfere?...And why do they have names like that?**

**Another demon walk's to the three Ancient's table.**

**Jug'ar'not': There you are, little bro! I've been looking all over for you! *Pull's Bash'ok'mol' away from the table occupied by the three Ancients and drag's him over to his friends***

**One of their sluah friends arrive.**

**Charlie Green, the sluah: Evelin, how come my name sound's like 'Charlie Brown'?**

**Evelin: Beginner's ideas at creating sluah names. Tough, that's 'no-life', get used to it. Nuff said.**

**Evelin(Changing subject): So...How many times have you all died? I died about...Hmm...5 times.**

**Charlie: None. I lived here from the beginning.**

**Janos: Once.**

**Raziel: Counting a Reaver death, 3, but for now, 2. Impaled by the Reaver then chucked into the Abyss.**

**Janos: Heart got ripped out by the super git.**

**S. Raz's Soul:*Get's angry and tries to bug Janos by flying around him like crazy.***

**Raziel: Poor Evelin.**

**Evelin: I don't really care anymore. I think I'm like you.**

**Charlie: I thaught that you are.**

**Evelin: Shut up, you. Don't talk about things of which you don't understand.**

**Charlie: OUCH! THAT'S GOTTA HURT! GETTIN' YOUR HEART RIPPED OUT OF YOUR FRIGGIN' CHEST!**

**Janos: And you think that what you said make's me feel better? Your dreaming. *Roll's eyes***

**Café Owner(Standing up): Sorry, but I'm changing this place into a night club!**

**Evelin: Oh, BOOOO!!!!!! *Throw's her cappicino at the Café owner***

**Charlie: Evilin-EVILIN!**

**Evelin: HEY! I'M THE AUTHOR FOR GOD'S SAKE, RESPECT ME! I CREATED YOU, AND YOU WILL NEVER ESCAPE ME! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!...CHARLIE BROWN!**

**Charlie: THAT'S IT, I'M LEAVING!*Leave's***

**Janos: Well, that's minus one more friend.**

**Raziel: If you even CALL him a FRIEND. He always got on my nerves.**

**The place suddenly turn's into a night club and people are seen dancing and their drinks suddenly turn to liquor  and shit like that.**

**Evelin: HEY! I DIDN'T WANT THIS!**

**Raziel: What the f*** has been up with HIM?!**

**Evelin: THESE ARE HOOKER DRINKS, YUCK!**

**Jug'ar'not: Well, I'm unemployed. I've beeen unemployed since about a hundred years after the corruption of the pillars, yep!**

**Evelin: Well, Hash'ak'gik' is actually the one who got you fired, I heard. I've also heard that he got up to the higher demon ranks up to the time when Willie got killed by Kain, and were stuck in this damn shithole full of people looking for trouble.**

**Raziel: Heh, yeah. I mean, Hashie took your job, so you got fired.**

**Janos: Man, he got CANNED. But what I'm really remembering is the time Evelin was writing some math info on the board to teach her pet Winged Auroboro. It was "Finding the Slope of a Line". Apparently, she was using A LOT of slang and it came up like ithis/i:**

**Findin' zee Slope o' da' Line**

**Evelin: Dammit, you sitill remember? I can't believe that I can't even control my own cast in my fics! That's PERSONAL INFORMATION, YOU DORK!**

**(AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yes, that did, indeed, happen.)**

**S. Raz's Soul:VVRRVMVR!**

**Janos:*Wave's him away* Come again?**

**S. Raz's Soul: VRRRRMMRRRVVVREMIVRRR!**

**Janos: OH! I get it! You wan't a martini!**

**Evelin: No! No hooker drinks! Never will you EVER drink hooker drinks!**

**Janos get's up.**

**Evelin: Dammit! Why doesn't ANYONE listen to the voice of reason around here, anyway?! EWhy, I'm older that ALL of your ages slpapped into one!**

**Raziel: And he still doesn't know who I am. Sad, really.*Turn's to S. R's Soul in his chair* I-am-your-FATHER!**

**S. Raz's Soul: ????**

**Raziel: OKAY, okay...YOU! *Start's to sing* YOU-YOU-YOU-YOU-YOU-YOU-YOU-YOU-YOU-YOU!**

**Human S. raz's Soul: VRRRMAVRAMMMLLWWWVVVVRRRMMMM!**

**Janos come's back with the martini and place's it in front of his murderer's soul who humm's a thanks and finishes 'his' drink in one gulp and float's to the bar for more, now addicted.**

**Jug'ar'not': Stupid soul. *He get's beaten up by Raziel***

**Raziel: HEY! It's MY soul, REMEMBER?!**

**Jug'ar'not': Yeah. Sorry.**

**Evelin: I'm sick of this place. Let's go on over to some other café...How about, "The Serafan Café", or "The Hylden café"? But we might find Hylden babies in the Hyulden café, and they like to possess people.**

**Janos: Your already posessed.**

**Evelin: Shut up, you.**

**Raziel: By who?**

**Evelin: One of the oldest, most senile demons ever to walk the face of Nosgoth.*Eyes turn red* MWAHAHAHAHAHAA! Smokey nthe bear with a shgovel!*Control go's back to Evelin*I HATE that thing! How do you dispossess someone?**

**The Others:*They shrug***

**Evelin: Dammit! I can't 'not-live' like this!**

**Raziel: How about the Sarafan Café?**

**Evelin: Fine with me. Let's get the hell out of here.**

**The five leave.**

**At the Sarafan café...**

**People are having bar fights, pissing., and brandishing their staffs and swords.**

**Sarafan raziel's Soul, who got DRAGGED away from his 16th martini, ssem's to be speaking clearly due to his drunkeness.**

**S. Raz's Drunk Soul: MARTINI.......**

**Evelin: -_-**

**Raziel: I think the Hylden café is better.**

**Evelin: How about the Ancient café?**

**Janos: OK. These cafés seem to be running out of ideas for names, or maybe it's just the author...?**

**Evelin: Shut up, you. =-(**

**Jug'ar'not': I need to go find a job. -_-'**

**Evelin: Fine. Go. We'll be at the Ancient's café if you need us, which I doubt.**

**They arrive at the Ancient's Café and finally settle down.**

**Raziel: It's about time we found a quiet place.**

**S. Raz's Drunk Soul: *hIc***

**Raziel: I just hope that he never get's any kind of driver's license.**

**Evelin: He can't drive any way. It's the law. Souls like him can't drive...Hmm...Let's go camping tomorrow!**

**Janos: Well...I don't have anything to do...**

**Evelin: Geat then.**

**Reviews, anyone?**


	2. Chaper 2: The Losers go Camping

**The Hot Spots of the Spectral Realm **

**By, Evelin The Winged**

_Hmm...I might _let_ old man Moe join in this time..._**K******

**WARNING: PG-13**

**_Chapter 2_**

**The Losers go Camping**

**_*Look's at title*...HEY!_**

**_...Anyway, the Author is now getting everyone together..._**

Evelin: Okay, now, pay attention, as I'll call out the names...Vorador, I said, PAY ATTENTION, YOU COMMUNIST!

Vorador: *Sniff's* I'm not a communist.

Evelin: ANYWAY...Raziel-

Raziel: Here!...

Evelin: get in the bus...Janos-

Janos: HERE!...

Evelin: NOT SO LOUD, YOU WUSS!...Get in the bus...Vorador, and Sarafan Raziel's Soul...

*Crickets*

Evelin: Hey...Where did they go?

Moebius: I think they went in Vorador's car.

Evelin: Damn...OK, your last, get in the bus.

Moebius: But what about Charlie Br-I mean, Green?

Janos: Evelin made him go insane...Or something like that.

Evelin: WAIT...We still need Jug'ar'not' to arrive!

Jug'ar'not': I am here.

They get in the car and the Author drives them to where they were camping in. And the vehicle is...

Jug'ar'not': A double-decker bus????

Evelin: Cheapest one on rent.

Evelin: So...I was thinking the Termogent forest or probably the higher parts of Nosgoth...

Jug'ar'not': The Swamp, please. I can't stand the cold climate.

Evelin: I can adapt to anything, you should too, as you live in Spectral, eat spectral, sl-

Jug'ar'not': Too much details, Evelin!..I think that you went a little too far on that last word...

Evelin: Eat shit, Juggy! Really, you don't even know what the last word is because I didn't complete it!

Jug'ar'not': Let's dance! HEEEYY! DO THE JANOS!

Janos: Now cut that out...

Jug'ar'not': OH...BUGGAWUGGAWUGGA! *Start's to dance like a fool.*

Janos then see's an Ice Cream truck in the window.

Janos: OOOOHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVELIN, I WANT ICE CREAM!

Evelin: NO.

Janos: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT ICE CREAM, I WANT ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM!

Evelin: ENOUGH ALREADY!

Jug'ar'not': Doooooooo, THA JANOOOOSSS!!!!!!! *Start's to do the twist.*

Evelin: THAT'S IT! I'M TURNING BACK THIS BUS RIGHT NOW!

Raziel: NO! PLEASE DON'T! I WANNA GO CAMPING, EVY!

Janos: Eve, may I PLEASE have some ice cream????

Evelin: NO! FOR PETE'S SAKE, NO!-AND DON'T CALL ME EVE!

Jug'ar'not': BAAAAAAAAAAAAA......WAGGAGAGGABAGGAGA,BAWAGGAGAGGADADADA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.............

Janos: YOU MUST BE CLEANSED WITH BUTTER TOAST! *smashe's butter toast onto Juggy's head*

Jug'ar'not': ACK! I HATE butter toast!

Evelin: Don't make me turn back.

Raziel: Maybe we should stop by a dairy queen?

Evelin: Naw. Janos take's too long-especially at the bathrooms.

Raziel then notices something.

Raziel: Hey, what's that? *Point's at a hitch-hiking Wraithblade.*

Janos: That's you, now let's go to Dairy Queen!

Raziel: Hey, how did YOU know? Are you with the Nosgothic Mofia?

Janos:...Uh...No.

Raziel: You son of a bitch.

Janos: you son of a son of a bitch.

Raziel: You son of a son of a son of a bitch.

Janos: You son of a...a...OH forget it.

Raziel:You idiotic excuse for an Ancient. :-D

*Evelin pull's up to the Wraith Blade*

Evelin: Want to go camping with us?

Wraith Blade: @VVVVVVVVVVVMMMMMMMRMMMMM@

Raziel: Oh no, not another one.

Jug'ar'not': We already have ol' Razafan. -_-'

Jug'ar'not': Stop giving me sweatdrop emoticons, Evelin. I thaught you didn't like ANIME.

Evelin: I sorta don't like it...I just put it in to annoy you.

Jug'ar'not': KILL THE AUTHOR!

Jug'ar'not's minions then suddenly come speeding up the road in a black Mercedes with flamethrowers and slingshots attached to it.

Minions: KILL THE AUTHOR!

Evelin: Uh-oh, time to go!

The Author then throw's the wraith blade (who inconveniently stuck to her arm) into the bus and they drive off. 

Evelin(Driving one-handed): CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GET THIS WRAITH BLADE OFF OF ME?!

Moebius start's to try and yank it off.

Evelin: OW!!!!!!! NOT LIKE THAT!

A bullet made a hole in the windshield and they turned to see a VERY FAT purple demon wearing a brown suit with a cigar in his mouth, weilding a tommy gun.

Evelin: Damn! He's got the mofia! We're in deeeeeep SHIT!

They throw Jug'ar'not' out of the double decker bus and head north.

Later...

They made it, and also successfully removed the wraithblade from the author's arm. And they also found Voridor and S Raziel's soul there as well.

Janos: Butter toast.

Evelin: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! I GO THROUGH ALL THIS TROUBLE AT RENTING A DOUBLE DECKER BUTT-I MEAN BUS AND YOU JUST GO AND RIVE A CAR AND LEAVE ME TO SUFFER WITH THESE TWO LOSERS?  *Jabb's thumb at Moebius and Janos*

Raziel: At least I'm appreciated. :-D...Uh, am I?

Evelin: Yes, you were the only one I can stand.

Raziel: YAY! :-D

They start to set up camp.

Evelin: Heeeeeeyyyyyyy!!!!!! Look what I found! A turtle!

Raziel: Well I'm not touching it, how can you?

Janos: Because she has a sick mind.

Evelin: HEY! YOU. WILL. DIE!*Hold's up the turtleby it's shell*

Moebius: HOLY SHIT! It's the size of my hand-and their big!

Evelin: *Start's to chase Janos holding out the turtle while laughing insanely* MWAAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAA!!!!!! TURTLE! HA! TURTLE SOUP! GO ON, TRY IT!!

Janos: NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's slimy!

Evelin: No, it isn't! *Start's to pike him with it* That's for what you said, *pOke* that's for bieng with the mofia, *pOke* and THAT'S for bieng a lyar!

Janos: Oh PLEASE, I'm not dead!

Evelin: HA! I finally got it out of him! TTTTUUUUUUUUUUURRRRTTTLLLLEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Janos: NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TO BE CONTINUED! PLEASE REVIEW!!?


	3. Chapter 3: TIME TO OPEN UP A CAN OF WHOO...

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Disclaimer: I-DO-NOT-OWN-LOK AND I DO NOT OWN BLACK AND WHITE…OK?

Been a loooong time. Well, here it is. Know that Janos was hiding in the bathroom and not taking a crap. So there's nothing sick there.

**********

**Chapter 3**

**Time to Open up a Can of Woopass!**

Janos up a tree: Get that, that, _thing away from me!_

Evelin: It's only a turtle. Wanna see my Wolf? *sart's to call her Wolf creature* KLIZ, COME HERE!!!

Janos heading for the local bar: NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vorador: Why is he running to the bar?

Moebius: Because he's a stupid vampire that probably isn't even dead.

Evelin: You shoulda seen him get thrown off the ledge! That was funny(and looked sorta stupid).

Raziel: Who, me?

Evelin: No, Janos.

Raziel: But I ripped his heart out.

Evelin: And a fine salad you could have made with that blade!

Vorador: This is boring, we should get more dead people.

Raziel: What happened to those guys that don't talk normally?

Moebius: *BuRp*

Everyone: 0.0

Evelin: I'm going to the bar!

Raziel: Me too!

Vorador: Me three!

*they leave*

Moebius: *Standing by himself* HEY! What about me?! I can't set up the tents all by myself. *look's at the camping stuff* I'M AN OLD MAN, FOR GOD'S SAKE!

\///\///\

Vorador: *looking for Janos* Where is that freak?

Evelin: The only reason I go to bars is to fight drunk people. Time to open up a can of woopass!!!! *throw's a meat cleaver at the drunk vampiress in front of her*

Umah (with the meat cleaver stuck in her head): OW! YOU LITTLE FREAK OF NATURE, I'LL _KILL YOU! *pull's it out and throw's it at Evelin*_

Vorador: Hey, nobody kill's a vampire I've made unless I say so! *get's thrown out*

Evelin: Curse you, fool! *tries to curse Umah but she duck's, the curse bounces off the mirror behind her and goes out the window*

Evelin: I hope that didn't get Vorador. *shoot's an arrow at the big vampire next to her*

Dumah: HEY! I know who did that! *jump's at Raziel*

Evelin: Oops.

Raziel: I'm dead. *run's to the bathroom*

At the bathroom…

Raziel (peeking over the wall): Aha! I found you! *point's his claw at Janos sitting on the toilet hiding* It's just a stupid turtle, ya know.

Janos :Didn't your mother ever tell you that looking at people taking a crap is wrong???

Raziel: I never had a mom.

Janos: Then didn't your dad ever tell you that looking at people taking a crap is wrong???

Raziel: No. He encouraged me to do that. And besides, your just hiding from that turtle.

Janos: Shutup!

Janos: Why did you come here anyway?

Raziel: Two reasons. One: A very drunk Dumah want's to tear me apart, and Two: I wanted to go find you.

Janos: Yeah good but _do you mind?_

Raziel: What?

Janos: _QUIT LOOKING AT ME!!!_

Raziel: But your just hiding! *run's away after Janos throw's a hand grenade at him**…where did he get that???*

Evelin: I feel alive again!!!!

Umah: You piss me off!!!

Random  demon: Shuddup, you stupid moo!

*All suddenly stop*

Evelin: Moo???

Demon: Ya know…like a moo point?

Evelin: You mean something that doesn't make any sence at all?

Demon: *nodds*

*They all continue fighting*

Janos (who is trying to run away after closing the bathroom door): What the…*Raziel is suddenly thrown at him, knocking him down*

Janos: Get off me!

Raziel: I hate you! *throw's a whole barrel of beer at Janos*

Janos: But I do not drink! *the barrel breaks when it falls on him and pretty much most of it went in his mouth*

Evelin (forgetting that she is dead): I LOVE MY LIFE!!! *throw's a match in a beer bottle and throw's it at Dumah*

Dumah: *run's out screaming* IT 'URT'S, IT 'URT'S!!!!!

Raziel: Well I guess I've had enough for one day…

Evelin: Me too. My work here is done.

Janos: *look's at Evelin and Raziel* I HATE YOU BOTH! *hIc* THE WORLD IS AS FLAT AS A PANCAKE WHEN AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN!!!*get's his heart ripped out for the second time*

Back at the camp site…

Vorador: No, _this is how you should light the fire, you asshole! *grab's the sticks and start's rubbing them*_

Moebius: NO, _this is! *uses his lighter on Vorador*_

Vorador: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *jump's into the lake, get's singed, and jumps out again*

Moebius: Stupid freak.

Evelin: Are you done yet?

Moebius: Haven't even started.

Vorador(looking for a fire extinguisher): I hate this trip…_ow…_

Evelin: You guys suck. Come on, it's time to go.

Moebius: But it was HIS fault! *point's at Vorador*

Vorador, Raziel, and a heartless Janos: Just shut up, you  *%&$#@!!!

Moebius: Hey, that's what you get when you force a poor old man to do a young person's job!

**********

Next chapter will have more dead people…I think…


	4. Chapter 4: Merry Christmas, People!

**DISCLAIMER: _I don't own LoK._**

NOTE: New word created-

Eye-rich: a lot of eyes

**Raziel: I wonder what I'm gonna get for Christmas.**

**Evelin: I'll get you a nice pair of baggy pants-what's your size?**

**Raziel: I dunno…maybe -3?**

**Evelin: …I'll get you a belt.**

**Kain: Did I hear someone say pants?**

**Raziel: Daddy!**

**Evelin: You're not wanted here. You're not dead-unless you can shift?**

**Kain: Yeah.**

**Evelin: DAMN! :-(**

**Kain: I was gonna get you pants but now that she's already asking your size…**

**Evelin: We haven't even started the fic yet! *turn's to readers* Christmas is here! Here is a Christmas special for you all-Kain'll be in it, cuz it's Christmas (he can shift to spectral anyway). The other guys-Melchiah, the Seer, yadda, yadda, yadda will probably also be in it.**

**A Christmas Special**

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**Chapter 4**

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**_Merry Christmas People!_**

_There's snow outside..._

Raziel: *wakes up and look's out the window* Snow. *_that's all your gonna __say?* Yeah. I'm blue. *__I think we know that __already* I mean I'm depressed. *__that's very confusing*_

Raziel: *in front of mirror* Hmm…What should I look like today? *_get some wings-it's Christmas* ^_^ *pOp* *__nice* Thanx._

_Doorbell rings._

Raziel: *open's door*

Vorador, Mortanius, Ariel, Magnus, and Umah: _We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, and a happy new year…_

Raziel: *closes door on them* Idiots. *_why are you in a bad mood?* I'm lonely and every single person I know is a f#!%ing idiot *__true*_

_Doorbell ring's again._

Raziel: _Now what?! *open's door and look's outside* This isn't good… *jump's inside and see's a bucket of water fall down where he was standing* MOEBIUS!_

Moebius: What?

Raziel: Is that a hose behind your back?

Moebius: No.

Raziel: Yes it is. *takes out the wraith blade*

Moebius: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *run's away*

Janos: *walking around* my heart, my good heart-where did my heart go?!

Raziel: …*remembers ripping it out when Janos was drunk and hid it under his bed* _I need a better hiding place…_

Melchiah: (AUTHOR'S NOTE: All Lieutenants are in vampire form-except for Raziel) Merry Christmas Raz *gives him a present*

Raziel: Um…Thanx…Here, *gives him a brand spanking new Game boy Advance* be happy.

Melchiah: YAY! *jump's up and down*

Raziel: I'll be at home if anyone need's me…

Janos: Yeah, I need you, where's my goddamn heart?!

Raziel: …*flies away*

Janos: Waaaaiiiit a minute...Did he just fly away?

_At the Author's Dungeon…_

Evelin: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA…I have an EVIL plan!

Joey: What is it?

Evelin: …NEVER QUESTION YOUR ELDERS, YOU HEAR?!

Joey: …Ok, master…

Evelin: Christmas is coming and that shall be the time we attack the new dimension guardian's citadel-we must plan!

Joey: _New dimension guardian?_

Evelin: WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU ABOUT QUESTIONING YOUR ELDERS?!

Joey: Sorry master.

Evelin: …OK, so we're gonna have to make sure that we got a kick ass plan that should kick enough ass to make those freaks run away with their tails between their legs…

Joey: I thought that we were the guys with the tails.

Evelin: SHUDDAP, BEFORE I KILL YOU!

Joey: I'm so sorry master!

Evelin: Just shuddup and quit calling me master.

Joey: Okey-dokey master.

Evelin: *slap's her head*

_After that VERY disturbing scene…_

Raziel: *hiding under his bed* … *suddenly notices HoD* This is really messing up my carpet…I gotta get rid of it somehow… 

Janos: *run's in the room* I know your in here somewhere! :(

Raziel: _

Raziel: _

Raziel: _

Raziel: *almost freak's out*

Janos: Come out, come out…Don't make me paint your cat's butt in pink again…

Raziel: *stuff's the heart under his cowl and shift's* Thank God there's a portal under my bed. *runs to the hallway and shifts back to spectral* … *walk's back to his room* What the hell are you doing in my house?

Janos: *notices blood dripping from his cowl* What is that your hiding?

Raziel: It's uh…I got hurt. I'm hiding nothing but a severe cut.

Janos: JUST GIVE ME MY HEART BACK, OR I'LL RIP YOURS…Wait a minute…*start's to think hard*

Raziel: … * throw's Janos out of his house* you're not welcome here!

_At the Sanctuary or the Clans…_

Kain: Six presents, six kids…So expensive.

_Joey run's in._

Joey: My master wants to kill this 'new guardian' and wants to find out how you conquered Nosgoth.

Kain: I sat on my ass the whole time while the lieutenants did all the hard work-make her go ask _them._

Joey: How about your first attempt to conquer Nosgoth?

Kain: I didn't even _tell them about that. And besides-It was my __first attempt, which mean's that it failed._

Joey: But she'll slap me upside the head if she got this news.

Kain: It's pretty much because you're an idiot.

Joey: …Who's that? *point's at a corpse of a lady nearby*

Kain: Someone who clamed to be a 'guardian'.

Joey: I am sooo dead… *flies away*

Kain: Maybe I should go buy stuff now…

_At the Dungeon…_

Evelin: WHAT?! DEAD?! Then let's kill the squid!

Joey: But he's indestructible.

Evelin: He's gotta be killable in SOME way!…How about this, let's _kidnap Mr. Elder God!_

Joey: He look's more like an octopus to me…

Evelin: …Who cares, he's a squid and I just love to torture squids-especially the eye-rich Elder Gods of Nosgoth!

Joey: There's more than one?

Evelin: Yep. Their just around the coast.

Joey: Nosgoth has a coast?

Evelin: *pick's up a large, heavy tome and hit's herself on the head repeatedly*

_At the mall…_

Kain: Ok, so…prosthetic skin for Melchiah, Sewing Kit for Zephon, a bunch of encyclopedias for Rahab, a bunch of dumbbells for Dumah, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Linkin Park CDs for Turel, and…What do I get Raziel?

Moebius(behind Kain): *prancing by*  Get him a bra! *get's his head cut off*

Kain: He'll be happy with this! *pick's up the head and puts it into the cart*

Evelin: *suddenly appears* Hey, what about me?

Kain: …What do you want?

Evelin: SR3! _SR3! ****__SR3!_

Kain: Here, have this portable time-streaming device. *gives it to her*

Evelin: *look's at the time-streaming device* …It's broken.

Kain: Then have this, *gives her Moebius' staff*

Evelin: Cool. *disappears*

_8 hours later at the Sanctuary of the Clans (at The Pillars)…_

_A Christmas Tree is at the middle of the Pillars platform._

Kain: Is everybody here yet?

Rahab: No. So far there's me, you, a bunch of peasants-

Kain: PEASANTS?! *kick's all the peasants out*

Rahab: OK, so there's me, you…and that gal sitting on your throne with Moebius staff.

Evelin: HI!

Kaoiln: Get off my throne, dammit! And why am I now called Kaoiln???

Evelin: Spelling(plus spellcheck) error-but ya have to admit that's a nice name.

Kain: But what kind of person would call themselves Kaoiln???

Evelin: …I have no idea…a Nosgothic person, perhaps…?

_Turel suddenly walk's in._

Turel: Word on the street is…Hey, where is everybody?

Evelin: Dumah, Melchiah, and Zephon have been kidnapped by Sebastian.

Kain: AND YOUR JUST TELLING US NOW?!

Evelin: Yeah.

Kain: *on his mobile* Magnus, save my kids!

Magnus' voice: Okey-dokey.

Rahab: Then what happened to the others?

Evelin: You're here, Turel's here, and I don't know what Raziel is doing now.

Kain: Are you sure that it's just those three?

Evelin: Yeah. I hope somebody got me SR3.

Everybody: …

Evelin: HEY, nobody got me SR3?! *smoke comes from her ears-followed by some fire*

_The doors open._

Everybody: …

_And close._

Rahab: …Who's that?

Evelin: …Where did he go?

Rahab: Huh?

Evelin: Just shut up.

???: What the hell is that freak doing here?!

Evelin: He just came.

???: …Can you get the question marks off?

Evelin: Yeah.

Raziel: Thanks.

Turel: Wuzzup, me blue brotha'?!

Everybody – Turel: …!!!

Raziel: Just shut the fuck up before I pull that earring of your…giant ear.

Rahab: Turel's got an earring?

Turel: Wanna get an earring too?

Evelin: Earrings only look good on guys if their rappers.

Raziel: *tug's on his ear* SEE?! BIG EARS!!! I DON'T GET IT!

Turel: OW! Your just jealous!

Kain: Oops…

Evelin: Flashback alert, flashback alert!

Raziel: You look stupid with earrings (your ears are pretty big anyway) and I'm still pissed off at you!!!

Evelin: FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!!! *is silenced with duck tape* *still shouting* fyt,fyt,fyt,fyt!

Kain: Somebody get her out of here.

Evelin: *duck tape suddenly disappears* Why don't you get Rahab out?

Kain: He isn't doing anything.

Evelin: I WANNA SEE A FIGHT!!!

Kain: You've seen and started enough bar fights to last you a vampire's lifetime.

Evelin: But I live longer than that.

Turel: Is it just me, or did you land head-first when you hit the water?

Raziel: That's it. *throw's Turel at the doors*

_Magnus comes in at that same moment and Turel crashes into him._

Magnus: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Raziel: Oops, sorry.

Evelin: YAY!!! FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!!!

The Missing Idiots: Why are we called The Missing Idiots?

Evelin: Because you guys were missing and your idiots-like Joey here. *pat's Joey on the head*

Joey: Look, he's missing a tail!

Evelin: Shut up before I smack you.

Dumah: I'M GONNA GO BEAT UP SOMEONE, WHO'LL JOIN ME?!

Everybody: …

Evelin: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA…

Dumah: …I think I"ll just stay here…

Evelin: :( *turn's Dumah pink* HA, THE GAY GUY COLOR!

Dumah: *look's at himself* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *run's out*

Evelin: I hate pink.

_Marcus, Sebastian, Umah, and Faustus come in._

Kain: Your not wanted here, Sebastian.

Sebastian: So what?

Raziel: I always wanted to get a new ability. *kill's Sebastian, devour's his soul, and get's Berserk*

Rahab: You haven't changed a bit.

Raziel: *ZIP* *Start's to run around very quickly.*

Rahab: O.O *accidentally get's run over by Raziel*

Raziel: *ZIPPING around* Oops-SORRY!!!

Rahab: *suddenly messed up in the head* Baaa…wagga, wagga…

Evelin: FASCINATING. O.O

Kain: At least Sebastian is out of my way…again… *suddenly notices some thing different about Raziel* You look different.

Raziel: *ZIPPING around* And?

Kain: How did you get wings?

Raziel: *stop's ZIPPING around* I found out that I have the power change my appearance.

Kain: Interesting.

Faustus (talking to Zephon): *show's him a hand grenade* Hand grenades are more fun to use than eggs!

Zephon: Can I borrow some?

Faustus: *hides hand grenades from Zephon* Get you own!

Evelin: LET GECKOS  RAIN!!! *start's to rain geckos*

Melchiah: GECKO SKIN!!!

Umah: Eeeww…

Rahab: *recovers and takes out magnifying glass and look's at a gecko* INTRIGUING.

Evelin: *squishes it while he look's at it* Sheesh, it's just a gecko-_nerd._

_*Knock-knock*_

Raziel: *open's door* Yeah, who are you?

Seer: Hi, son!

Raziel: ???!!!

Kain: Oops.

Melchiah: You say oops too much.

Kain: I…Never told you guys who your mother is.

Raziel: ????????!!!!!!!!

The Rest of the Brothers: ????????!!!!!!!!

Evelin: Can somebody get me a paper bag? I'm not gonna like this…

Faustus: I think we're out.

Evelin: …*cover's her ears* OK, tell 'em.

Kain: *point's to Seer* Your mamma it that lady there-which explain's the Raz getting wings thing and all that.

Bruised Turel: _Thang-It's __thang, not __thing._

Evelin: *slap's her head*

Raziel: How did _that happen?!_

Faustus: AHEM! *wink* *wink*

Raziel: !!!

The Rest of the Brothers: !!!

Marcus: I have a headache.

Umah: I'm not surprised.

Marcus: And one would have thaught that _you would have been that mamma. =p_

Umah: *turn's red* :-(

_Vorador and Janos show up._

Janos: *like an EVIL madman* GIVE ME BACK MY HEART!!! 

Raziel: AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! HE'S GONNA KILL ME MOMMY! *hide's behind Seer*

Seer: *slap's Janos*

Janos: *has been slapped* Ow.

Raziel: Heh, heh.

_Everybody has settled down._

Kain: OK…it's Christmas, and I only celebrate it cuz vampires pretty much don't got any holidays-

Janos: How about Janos Audron day?

Kain: We don't even know when you were born!

Janos: Well, how about the day I died?

Kain: Which day? You 'died' twice.

Janos: I'm messed up.

Raziel: We know that already. Your gay.

Janos: I'm not gay!

Raziel: *singing* _You__ are gay, your are gay, you are gay…_

Janos: I AM NOT!

Dumah: GIMME MY PRESENTS ALREADY! *Kain throw's a can at him*

Kain: ANYWAY, as I was saying, it's Christmas-PRESENT OPENING TIME!!!

Vorador: *in a sad voice* Another Christmas full of boxes of condoms…

_So they start to open their presents-let's see what "interesting" gifts they got!_

Kain: Ok, let's see…human head, human head, Elder God tentacle-wait, who got me this?

Raziel: Who do you think?

Kain: OK so after that is a book on mammals-ew-and more heads…

Evelin: Ok, strait jacket, muzzle, broken time-streaming device, Moebius' staff, shrink's phone number…a Moebius costume?! Who got me that?!

Umah: *whistling*

Evelin: Remind me to KILL you later…

Vorador: I got stuff that would raise the rating of this fic.

Evelin: That's not good…

Umah: The only thing I got that was out of the ordinary was a ring that stay's on no matter how hard you try to pull it off and it keep's singing, 'you are an idiot'.

Evelin: MWAHAHAHAHA I'm so evil.

Melchiah: Everybody got me the same thing! :(

Dumah: Dumbbells, dumbbells, nothing but dumbbells…

Rahab: Heavy books and a pair of glasses.

Evelin: *suddenly notices something that almost gives her a heart attack* OMIGOD, WHO GOT ME SR3?!

Raziel: ^_^

Evelin: YAY!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! *hug's him* YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I WANTED THIS! *run's home*

Marcus: Um…I got mittens, a wig, another wig, a BIG hat, and more goddamn hats and wigs.

Vorador: Well, your ARE bald after all!!!

Umah: Now that she's gone, let me just say that this fic is boring and who wants to know what we got anyway?

Raziel: I got a book on manipulation.

Janos: I got a bong.

Dumah: Wait, I think I got a pink stuffed rabbit-YIPPEE!!!

Everybody: O.O

Dumah: I SHALL CALL HIM-Jim.

Everybody: Jim?

Dumah: Jim.

Janos: Why Jim?

Zephon: Jim's a bitch.

Dumah: He is NOT a bitch!

Zephon: Even Janos' bong is a bitch.

Janos: Huh? What the hell does that mean?

Zephon: Hey, the author is making me say this shit. It's not my fault*start's to twitch* actually, it is-no wait-no, it is…

Dumah: What's wrong with him?

Raziel: He's not supposed to say it's not his fault.

Janos: *uses the bong and gets stoned*

Janos: *look's at his cloven hands* Whoa dude, like I got, like, messed up hands, man! *is slapped by the Seer again* Whoa, dude, do that again!

Seer: Smoking is bad for you.

Raziel: No, wait! I wanna see this!

_Somewhere on the Road to the Author's Dungeon…_

Evelin: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! GOT IT AT LAST!!! NO ONE CAN STOP ME NOW!!!

???: Oh, but we can.

Evelin: !!! *turn's around to see a bunch of people* Who are you?!

???: WE'RE THE EIDOS PEOPLE, NOW HAND OVER THE GAME-WE DON'T WANT NO SPOILERS NOW, DO WE?!

Evelin: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *makes a run for it*

Eidos people: *they follow*

_AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! Now back to the Others._

_Janos is having a Fight with Jim the Plushie._

Raziel: *actually laughs evilly for the first time in the series* WHOA, I JUST DID AN EVIL LAUGH!

Umah: … *stare's at him*

Raziel: *get's scared* W-what?!

Umah: *quickly turn's her head away*

Raziel: What the hell…?

Dumah: *controlling Jim's movements* GO, JIM, GO!!!

Janos: *is still stoned-he IS fighting an inanimate plushy after all!* Whoa dude, like, I'm just standing here and your beating the crap out of me with your little plushie hands and I'm just standing there, that is so cool man!.

Vorador: *drunk* *talking to Seer* Watz yer name?

Seer: … *slap's him* 

Vorador: Ow.

Seer: Don't drink-it's bad for your liver and brain. 

Vorador: Eggnogg…zzzippt…

Seer: … *slam's a frying pan over Vorador's head which knock's him out* that eggnog must be some strong stuff…

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Evelin: We is blue on Christmas eve, yo! Review and make us happy-you'll all get a VERY LARGE portion of land to own and great powers!!!

Raziel: Heh, Janos fighting a plushie?

Evelin: AND STONED!!! =D

Raziel: heh, heh.

Seer: I'M YO' MAMMA!!!

Melchiah: *getting a little scared* We know that already…

Evelin: EXITING REVELATION, IS IT NOT?! Magic lamps (containing three wishes) go to the first five reviewers, yep! Along with the land and powers, that is. =D


	5. Chapter 5: Unsupervised

Eidos People: WE OWN LOK!

Evelin: AND I DON'T!!! I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER EITHER! (And SR3 is LoK-D!)

Eidos People: THAT IS CORRECT!!! NOW GIVE US LoK-D!!!

Evelin: NO! IT WAS A CHRISTMAS PRESENT!!! *run's*

Eidos People: *they follow*

Evelin:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*takes a deep breath* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not in this one because…Look above.

In this chapter, you see what happen's when I go off somewhere and leave them unsupervised. **(THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER OF THIS FIC-THERE WILL BE A CONTINUATION, THOUGH.)**

This chapter (believe it or not) has been sitting on my hard drive for AGES, so here it is…yeah. =/

**********

**Chapter 5**

**While I was Away…**

_Everybody is in the Eternal Prison. Why?The Sarafan caught them throwing eggs at Moebius' house._

Moebius (sipping orange juice from a straw) : Heh, heh, heh! I finally got ya!

Janos: *sniff* why do I have to be in the same cell as HIM? *point's at Raziel at the other side of the cell writing _JANOS IS GAY_ over and over with a piece of chalk* Make him stop! He has chalk!

Moebius: Actually, since it pisses you off I'll let him keep the chalk.

Raziel: Thanx, Moe!

Moebius: It's MOEBIUS, not MOE! *stick's his staff in the cell to hit him*

Raziel: PINIADA! *takes a stick out of nowhere and wack's the big crystal ball at the end of the staff and candy start's to pour out*

Snake-on-Staff: OW…

Moebius: *pull's staff out* DAMMIT, NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID! *To the Warden standing next to him playing with his Gameboy Advance SP* BRING ME MORE ORANGE JUICE!!! AND WHILST YOUR AT IT, FIX MY GODDAMN STAFF!!! *Take's the warden's scythe and throw's his broken staff at the warden*

Moebius (to everyone): DON'T MOVE! I'LL BE BACK!!! *run's out*

Raziel: WHO WANT'S CANDY?!

Faustus: I DO!!!

Janos: How about my heart?

Raziel: *gives Janos some heart candy*

Janos: That doesn't help! *dropp's the heart candy into his open chest and suddenly get's teddy bear eyes* HOW NICE OF YOU! *squeezes Raziel*

Raziel: I've created a monster!!! *chokes*

Turel: He's turned into a fangirl.

Vorador: Get the candy out of him!

Raziel: *poke's Janos in the eyes and he let's go of him*

Janos: Ow…

Raziel: *pull's the candy out and throw's it out the window*

Janos: OW! GADDAMMIT, WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!

Raziel: *jump's up to the ceiling(it's got a lot of lines) and stay's there* You were acting like…like…MAN, YOU HAD TEDDY BEAR EYES!!!

Vorador: You looked ready to breastfeed-

Raziel (from ceiling): ACK! VORADOR, YOU PERV!!!

Vorador: Well I found out that men can….

Raziel (from ceiling): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vorador: OK, OK! I'll stop…

Raziel (from ceiling): JUST SHUDDAP BEFORE I RIP YOUR HEAD OFF!!! (somehow)

Faustus: CANDY, CANDY, CANDY, CANDY!!!

Janos: SHUT UP! EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP! *suddenly see's something* Hello now what's this? *pick's up a nice sparkley thingamajig that also fell out of the staff* 'EY I KNOW WHAT THIS IS!

Raziel (from ceiling): Your brain?

Faustus: Your watch?

Vorador: Your di-

Raziel (from ceiling): DON'T even start.

Vorador: OK.

Janos: NO. It's the Nexus Stone!

Raziel (from ceiling): The Whatta Stone?

Janos: The Nexus Stone, dammit. Whoever wear's it is safe from YOU. *point's at Raziel*

Vorador: I thaught you can also make portal thangs with it or something.

Janos: That too…I think.

Raziel (from ceiling): What the hell would that be doin' in his staff? And what's up with that snake? It wasn't in Blood Omen.

Vorador: Huh?

Raziel (from ceiling): You know what I'm talking about!

Faustus: Are you always gonna be stuck up there?

Raziel (from ceiling): …Maybe.

Janos (away from the others in a corner): _Heh, heh, heh…I could annoy him as much as I want and he can't hurt me!_

Raziel (suddenly behind Janos): I heard that.

Janos: Ah, so your finally down!

Dumah: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-*SnOrT*-ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ………………

Everybody: O.O

Raziel: He seem's to like it here.

Faustus: I heard that he sleep's in a slugbug. (A/N:to find out more about the slugbug thing go and check out that RPG thread at the Eidos Forums)

Dumah: *suddenly fart's-BIG and JUICY*

Faustus: O_O'

Raziel: *hold's his breath*

Raziel: *start's to have trouble breathing*

Vorador: What's wrong with you?

Turel: Dude, just let it out!

Raziel: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! *accidentally wakes Dumah up*

Dumah: TWO + TWO IS EIGHT!!!

Janos: Great. Just…GREAT.  I'm stuck with someone who ripped my heart out, a pervert, a chinese vampire, a vampire that isn't supposed to be here-

Turel: I Got myself a shift glyph!

Raziel: Well I can possess bodies, so HA! =D

Janos: -and some devolved giant vampire who can't add. *Raziel steal's the Nexus Stone* HEY!!!

Raziel (jump's back up the ceiling): MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!! *throw's it out the window*

Janos: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

-----Outside-----

_Sebastian is walking around_

Sebastian: *humming to himself* Yum,de-dum,dum,dee-doo…*look's up to see something falling* I say, what's that? *the Nexus Stone fall's on Sebastian's head and knock's him out*

-----Somewhere in Meridian (at a game shop)-----

Sarafan Lord: *talking to the shopkeeper* Do you have Legacy of Kain: Defiance?

Ariel: This time, NO. Their forcing us to wait until it's actually out this time. Raziel is the only one with two copies of the game-he gave one away to somebody.

Voice in the distance: YOU'LL NEVER GET YOUR HANDS ON THIS GAME-NO SIR!!!

Eidos People: Hand it over for the good of surprising everybody all at once and letting us finish the game more quickly by having everything layed out in front of us!

Voice in the Distance: NO! WHEN I'M DONE WITH IT YOU WILL!

Sarafan Lord: Um…But this is NOSGOTH!

Ariel: *sarcastic* And I'm King Ottmar!!!

Sarafan Lord: No, really. This IS Nosgoth!

Ariel: I know, I just wanted to be sarcastic for once!

Sarafan Lord: …

Ariel: Anyway, you and your buddies are just impatient. How about this: WAIT. WAIT LIKE THE REST OF THE WORLD.

Sarafan Lord: OK, FINE. Just give me something I like.

Ariel: I doubt you'll like anything that I got that's new.

Sarafan Lord: Then tell me why the hell are you away from the pillars?

Ariel: Umm…I think that you should leave…

Sarafan Lord: You mean you were lying the entire time?

Ariel: *picking up phone* I really think you should leave…*dial's 199-it's differen't there*

Sarafan Lord: Can I at least get Beatmania?

Ariel: Didn't the Soul Reaver devour your soul?

Sarafan 1: FREEZE! PUT YOUR HANDS UP IN THE AIR!

Sarafan Lord: Huh?

Sarafan 1: Your under arrest. *put's hand cuffs on SL*

Sarafan Lord: What did I do?! *spot's Umah looking at the front cover of the game Azurik*

Umah: O_O Sexy blue guy!

Sarafan Lord: Look! *point's at her*

Umah: What?

Sarafan 2: Vampire!

Umah: I'm dead already! Leave me alone. :-(

Sarafan 1: Your under arrest. *put's hand cuffs on her and walk's out with them*

Ariel: Uh…Thanks, I guess.

Sarafan 2: Well our work here is done. *walk's out after them*

-----Back at the Prison-----

Dumah: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Raziel (still from ceiling): I'm bored. Tell us your life story, Janos.

Janos: Well, I'll start with when I stuck myself in that damn Retreat. Day 1: I started playing chess against myself but soon got bored, cuz I always wanted the white side to win, and then after that started to play old video games like super mario(super Nes), Zelda LTTP, Pac man…

Raziel: Zzzzzzzzzz *fall's off ceiling* zzzzzz

Janos: Guess I'll just stop there.

Moebius: *to the wardens* throw the Sarafan Lord in there *point's at Dumah, Vorador, Faustus' cell* And the vampire in there. *point's at Raziel, Turel, and Janos' cell* And make sure she lands on _him._ *point's at Sleepyboy Raziel*

Umah: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *land's on Raziel and wakes him up-who freak's out and almost kill's her* OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!!!!!!! *run's to the corner of the cell*

Raziel: *curled up in a tight ball in a corner shivering uncontrollably* _I've been violated…_

Umah: Hey! An even cuter blue guy! And he's alive!

Raziel: Momma help me! _;

Vorador: Is it just me, or was she-

Turel: CAN IT, Vorador.

Vorador: Okey-Dokey.

Janos: You're a fool, Vorador. Why did I even make you?!

Vorador: You were drunk, remember?!

Janos: Oh yeah…

Faustus: YOUR ALWAYS DRUNK AND STONED, MAN!!!

SL: I'm the **SARAFAN LORD for God's sake! I shouldn't be kept _here!_**

Faustus: This chapter is getting pretty long and I think a little someone who is on the run should be punished for her crimes.

Raziel: *faints from shock*

Turel: LET ME OUTTA HERE!!!

Moebius: GREAT PLAN, FAUSTUS!

Faustus: Will you let me out now?

Moebius: NO. *scuttle's off*

Dumah: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…

_30 minutes later…_

Moebius: *comes with the author* Since your absolutely insane and all that, you deserve to be in a cell*pushes her in*

Evelin: The Eternal Prison-this is my favorite level!

Moebius: Rats.

Raziel: *suddenly dissapear's-yes, he woke up*

Turel: Where did he go?

Evelin: He went to the physical plane.

Turel: Oh. Wait-_I'm_ still alive!

Evelin: You baught a shift glyph, remember?!

Turel: Oh yeah!!! *Evelin dissapears* Where did she go?

Raziel: *shift's back to where we are-Spectral* She's not supposed to be in this chapter.

Turel: Oh yeah!

_Six hours later…_

Moebius: *calling* Oooooh, Razieeeel!....I HAVE A JOB FOR YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!! *evil grin*

Raziel: *is scared out of his pants…if he had pants at least*

Janos: *takes his bong out and uses it* Ah, refreshing. *get's stoned again* Sup ma thang?

Vorador: Huh? What's that mean, you retard?

Moebius: I got you a job at the Blue Lady curios shop! You're the blue LADY! *get's kicked in the groin* OOWWW!!!

Janos: *is stoned* Dude, like, he's a guy, man! *look's at Turel* You look like a bunny rabbit, dude!

Turel: *puff's himself up* I have been known to have ultra large ears.

Raziel: I gonna kill you Moe!!! *fire's a projectile at Moebius and uses his TK to get the keys* Sucka! *unlock's the doors*

_Suddenly, the Elder God's voice is heard._

Elder God: Raziel, Raziel king of the Britons!-

Raziel: Huh?!

Elder God: Oh, sorry, I meant: Raziel, Raziel Blue Wraithy guy! I have a holy quest for ye!!!

Raziel: Spit it out, Calamari King.

Elder God: YOU AND YOUR MEN MUST FIND THE HOLY…

Faustus: …Holy what?

Elder God: THE HOLY…

Vorador: WHAT IS IT ALREADY?!

Elder God: TOILET SEAT!!! YOU MUST FIND THE HOLY TOLET SEAT!!!

Raziel: TOILET SEAT?! WHAT THE HELL?!

Elder God: Um…Holy Goblet of Fire?

Raziel: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (by J.K.Rowling) plagiarism.

Elder God: Fuck.

Raziel: Whatever.

Elder God: …Now go seek out the Holy Toilet Seat before I send you guys some black demons enclosed in a nice box, OK?

Janos: *is still stoned* Dude…where is that voice coming from?! Your all like, standing there dude, that's just awsome!

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Evelin: *hides in a closet from the Eidos People which turn's out to be a hidden room* Interesting…The Quest for the Toilet Seat! Coming soon!!!

Evelin: Another disclaimer-I don't own Monty Python.

Raziel: *is bending spoons*

Dumah: *hugging his plushie* TK? What's TK?

Evelin: Telekinesis stuff Raziel and Kain have in Defiance!

Dumah: *is suddenly confused and just stand's there like a retard.*

Evelin: OH, never mind! *watches Vorador drag Janos to the Stoner's Club* As I said before, this is the last chapter, but there will be a new fic called, "**Quest for the Holy Toilet Seat".**

PLEASE REVIEW!!!

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